Sunday, April 11, 2010

Uhh, I'm a Rawk Gawd.

One day I doodled everyone in the office as a pirate. This is John. Save the boots and vest this is him every other day of the week. In the last year or two he's earned the nickname Freakshow. He's a burnout. He's a drunk. In fact, he often comes to work hung over and even still drunk from the night before. Good thing he only runs heavy machinery!

John has a trademark cadence. His speech pattern is so distinctive that we all mimic it so much that some days we talk like him more than he does! 'Uhh' is thrown into every other sentence. Lots of his statements begin with a loud drawn out vocal outburst. Others trail off into nonsensical garbled words. "UHHH YOU GONNA buy that moped? It's the best moped in the world. John Candy rode that moped on the set of his last movie before he died. Y'know they filmed that movieonthemooninthedarkkablubbadoo..."

And that's another thing about John. He's always trying to sell his stuff. He goes through phases. He'll buy a bunch of camera lenses. Or amplifiers. Or cameras. Or guitars. Then he resells them for less than he paid for them! Not the greatest business man in the world. But I guess the process is a balm that soothes his emotional scars in a way all the booze can't touch.

Hunter and Matt enjoy talking to John just to hear stories about his outrageously odd life. He talks about his girlfriends like he hates them. He's in and out of a dozen bands full of people that he thinks suck. John shows us pictures of he and his brother posing shirtless with guitars. He puts out videos of himself playing guitar with video effects and that make us laugh. Hunter and Matt have become very adept at scaring him by sneaking up on him. I don't doubt that he's an entertaining guy, but for all the wrong reasons. John is an HBO dramedy waiting to happen.

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