PUNCH-OUT!!!

When I was but a lad one of my favorite video games for my beloved NES was Mike Tyson's Punch Out! That's right! The original game, not the one with that Mr. Dream guy. Felling Tyson with his pink-pulsining power punches and winky-warning wallops was a true challenge of a sugared up pre-teens reflexes! Getting to Tyson was a feat in itself for most of us. I didn't say we were any good.

What's more that game had some awesomely ridonkulous characters. Guys like Glass Joe, Don Flamenco, Bald Bull, and Soda Popinski!? And my personal favorite: King Hippo! A man-mountain of questionable origin. Hippo Island in the South Pacific? Please. Every fight fan knows you were the result of ambient radiation from nuclear testing on hippos.

Fartin' Martin

Sure, it's obvious. It's in his name. So he's a little gassy. Sounds like a real Garbage Pail Kid! Anyway Martin's that guy you work with that looks down his nose at most people. He gripes about them and how they can't do their jobs. He doesn't have a lot of friends at work; and the ones he does have he tries to turn against everyone else. He's also something of a pecker checker...

RRRRRRRRRRRROIIDSSSSS!!!!!!

Far be it from me to cast aspersions about one's character. The Ultimate Warrior made a name for himself in the wrestling business for being an unskilled ass hat. Even after his wrestling career the Warrior had stints as a right-wing motivational speaker and comic book writer. What a renaissance man.

Ohhhhhh Yeee-Aaaah!

How can you talk about out of control 80s wrestlers without mentioning this guy? Ohhhh yeeee-aaahhh! I hear this guy crapped himself once during a match. With a finisher like that he deserves to win!

Ravishing

Continuing our wrestling theme for the week I present to you one of the greatest villains in the history of American entertainment! You doubt me? Check him out on Youtube. That guy was haaaaated! He was the best! Even I hated him. And everyone knows I love a man with a chiseled physique. Err-- I love to draw men with chiseled physiques. Hm. That didn't sound much better...

THUMP!

JYD! The Junkyard Dog! This dude was an early favorite of mine. I don't know if it was the chains or the defiant working man attitude. Maybe it was because he looked like half the guys in my neighborhood when I was 6. But watching him punch, stomp, and headbutt other fat guys in tights was simply a delight!

YEOWCH!

I know, I've been pretty lax about updates. To make up for it I'll put up each wrestler from my set of 80s squared circle brawlers! Starting with the original crazy man: George the Animal Steele! Sure, I know wrestling is fake. And I don't watch it now. But when I was a kid it was the only thing I remember doing with my dad. Watching wrestling on Sunday morning. And this wild, hirsute, green-tongued, turnbuckle eating, wife stealing son of a gun was loads of entertainment!